In the tweet below they're talking about people being uncharitable, but I think this is actually what's happening by default when anyone's reading anything. It's just that if you're in resonance with the person, then you'll fill in the gaps in a way that's fairly workable.
Why we misread messages when resonance is missing
5 tweets · April 2020 · 41 likes · 4 retweets · read on Twitter
I've recently read some chat messages out loud to my friends, and more than half the time, when I do, I realize there's layers of meaning I completely missed (or inverted) when I skimmed it silently. Highly recommend trying this with a message you read & replied to earlier today
And my clearest memory of this happening was in a situation where I deeply admire & respect the person and have more shared context with them than either of us have with more than a few dozen other people. Yet still I wasn't really taking in what he was saying!
Lack of conversational resonance can happen in multiple ways: - difference in word meanings - difference in unstated assumptions (including re purpose of the conversation) - difference in emotional state (ordered, I guess, by "increasingly harder to reconcile")
The emotional state one is underappreciated. Two people in an argument are typically basically in two completely different scenes mentally, from some other moment in their life.
