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The double bind of teaching independence, and showing instead of teaching

5 tweets · May 2019 · 103 likes · 16 retweets · read on Twitter

Replying to QC @QiaochuYuan ·

Several of these things can't meaningfully be taught in schools as they stand today, because the structure of school itself depends on children not having them. How can you teach independence when children are fundamentally forced to be in school?

quoting @alexakmeyer: Things that should be taught in school: 🔍 how to make big decisions ❓ how to ask great questions 💪 confidence 🗣 communication & conflict mgmt 👂 how to have empathy 🍉 how to learn new things ☀️ independence ⭕️ habit building + @emilyca5’s list https://t.co/LFOyKmsImN

@QiaochuYuan Might as well reductio this to its obvious absurdum: Things that should be taught in school: 🙃how not to should

Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️ @Malcolm_Ocean ·

"I shouldn't should" = a double bind reduction

@QiaochuYuan See these pages, which use "Don't be so obedient" as an example of a classic double-bind. "teach to be independent" is basically isomorphic.

Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️ @Malcolm_Ocean ·

@reasonisfun @mattguttmanorg (These pages of Anthony Wilden's book Man & Woman, War & Peace lay out the structure of double binds and how they stay bound. This is one of the main engines that keeps us from being able to just fix coercion once we realize it's so dysfunctional and costly.)

@QiaochuYuan relatedly, from Victor Wooten's The Music Lesson: (HT @alifeofmovement) "I cannot teach you because no one can teach another person anything." "What do you mean by that?" "You can only teach yourself... I can teach you nothing. I can only *show* you things."

@QiaochuYuan @alifeofmovement & huh, once we ask "what should we SHOW kids?" (vs "teach") it starts to ask something different of the "teachers". It suggests a learning context where teachers themselves: 👂 empathize 🍉 are actively learning ☀️ have independence 💔 handle tough emotions 🔍 make big decisions

@QiaochuYuan @alifeofmovement 2 things on @emilyca's original list were: 💀how to think about death & grief 💦quality sex & consent ed Here it gets controversial. What if some of your teachers were dying, and sharing their process? What would it mean to *show* quality sex? (age-appropriately, obv)