9 tweets · April 2019 · 6 likes · 0 retweets · read on Twitter
When this is just a random tweet (which is what @QiaochuYuan was originally talking about) then it's just 🤷 But if you have this experience with someone who knows you well, you need to at least acknowledge this: they wouldn't be saying this if they didn't have a reason.
Now, the reason might not have anything to do with you at all. Maybe they just want to vent. Maybe they tell this story every time chickens are mentioned. But if you can tell that they really are trying to tell yourself something they don't already know, then ask: what is that?
And also ask: how would they know if I knew it? maybe I partially know it but if I knew it deeper they'd know because I'd act differently... ...maybe they're *assuming* I'd act differently because they're making some other assumptions about me or the world.
If you have a model for why they're saying it even though you already know it, then MAYBE you can stop there (although don't trust your models too much—your brain makes up stuff.)
But if you're still like "I have no idea why you're telling me this thing I already know" then that could be a great time to share that. Phrasing matters though—I wouldn't advise uttering the quotation earlier in this tweet.
Instead, say "I really want to understand what you're saying, and I'm currently not getting anything new from this. I believe I've heard you say this before. Do you have the sense I missed you last time, or is there a new piece that you're wanting to add to that?"
More important than the exact phrasing is the tone, and upstream of tone is STANCE.
In order to get on the same page, you need to get on the same *side*. Taking a same-sided stance here means orienting based on assumptions like: • there is something I don't understand here • both of us care about figuring that out
These things are always true to some extent, so it's a question of whether you want to emphasize them or de-emphasize them.