7 tweets · March 2022 · 86 likes · 1 retweets · read on Twitter
I'll once again remind people that you can't trust who/what you can't trust I'll also note that it's generally stressful for people to realize that they have differences in their sense of trust—people want it to converge and there's really no reason to expect it to
in fact, there's reason to expect people's trust *not* to converge in practice: people are different around different people, and some people have psych defenses or vulnerabilities that others don't have
you may have some sense of a group of people as trustworthy, and that might be broadly accurate (for a typical member or for most situations) but that doesn't remotely mean you shouldn't listen to yourself if a voice in you says "uhh... this feels off"
self-trust is built by honoring one's distrust just because something feels off to you doesn't mean it's inherently bad it might be a false-positive reminder of some other bad situation that you in particular had (someone smells or looks like an abusive ex, idk)
you don't need to pass judgment in some sort of objective way in order to honor your own distrust and say "there's something that feels off to me about this" (ideally you also act on it, eg take space, and it can also be good to talk with people about it)
now, sometimes things add up and people do need to collectively decide to enforce some sort of boundary but you can't rely on group membership to keep you safe; you need to listen to yourself and inevitably you'll make mistakes and get hurt; this is how we become non-naive
here's a beautiful case study of how something being off for one person doesn't mean it's inherently bad