How the 'consent violation' frame amplifies mild discomfort

having reflected on this a couple times, I'm concluding the issue is one of categorization betrayals of trust are scary because you then generalize to "they might do it again" and if "it" is "violate my consent" then that's scary, whereas if "it" is just "sleep bj" nbd t.co/CQBAMiqQ51

Jul 20, 2023

by conceiving of this event as "consent violation" (just one way to conceive of it!) there's a whole frame invoked which suggests that the gf is a "consent violator" in some more general sense but maybe she's just a sneak-sleep-fellator & that's ok by u!

Jakeup @myhandle · Jul 20, 2023

it's not only posting your intimate drama to reddit, which is kinda crazy. the very framework of consent is something you mostly need to justify your sex having to outsiders who have no context, an impersonal jury. it's not the framework you want with a partner of three years

the convo this dude needs to have with his gf: - there was something uncomfortable simply about the surprise & confusion & unfamiliarity, nbd but I want that held - I'm down for you to do it again tho - but now part of me is worried you'll do X or Y without asking... & plz don't

and if he can't trust that she wouldn't accept such a request, THEN he's got an issue but otherwise it all seems fine my guess is that the "consent" narrative dramatically amplified what would have been mild discomfort otherwise, which caused panic or something