6 tweets · October 2020 · 28 likes · 0 retweets · read on Twitter
You Are The One You've Been Waiting For book by Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems theory …where he applies the theory of Self & parts, to relationships. You are your own parts' primary caretaker, and your partner is their secondary caretaker, & vv.
Really powerful book. You can find it online. Here's a PDF of the intro & chapter 1: ifsca.ca/wp-content/upl…
Here's one way to point at how "IFS applied to relationships" doesn't just turn back into the "Family Systems Therapy" idea it was based on.
Note that while some "parts" may seem very solid, it's also valuable to just orient to the momentary divisions as they're arising, without trying to pin them down over time. Though ofc notice patterns & connections.
And the most meaningful move is a meta-one, which is taking the stance that you care about all of your parts and all of your partner's parts, not just the ones you/they identify with or feel safest with. All of them.
This is a bit norm-breaking, but if you're the kind of person who reads my threads and wants to do this yourself, let's face it: you want to be in relationships (romantic or business) with people who also want to live like this.