Knot-listening: when neither person can hear the other

You know that thing where neither person can hear the other because they both feel so unheard? I call this "knot-listening" 3 step solution:  1: hear *yourself* thoroughly  2: hear the other person thoroughly (by their standard!)  3: get them to hear you youtube.com/watch?v=l7JYDi…

Sep 26, 2022

If 2 isn't working, return to 1.

Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️ @Malcolm_Ocean · Sep 26, 2022

The more you trust yourself to hold onto your own viewpoint no matter what, the more able you'll be to also take in someone else's.

I sometimes call this "self-validation". It's basically coherence empathy for yourself: really honoring that your own viewpoint makes whatever sense it makes. youtube.com/watch?v=0bOy-3…

Hearing yourself thoroughly enough to hear someone else with different deep assumptions may require self-validating your own experience all the way back to some life experience from years ago!

Visakan Veerasamy @visakanv · Feb 19, 2019

whenever we have a disagreement, the first thing I want to understand is: how have your experiences have been different from mine?

Then when listening, keep this in mind: Just because someone else's assumption/generalization contradicts yours, doesn't negate the reality of whatever happened that gave each of you those learnings!

Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️ @Malcolm_Ocean · Apr 12, 2021

every experience you've ever had was real but almost none of them imply what you think they imply nor do they imply what other people claimed they imply