Defensiveness, listening, and the enzymes needed to metabolize what others say

Wow, this is a really powerful piece about how communication breaks down when we don't feel safe listening to people who don't first pass a bunch of often-difficult or impossible tests. Very relevant to trust-dancing. (via @jim_rutt) frenchpress.thedispatch.com/p/the-places-w…

Jan 9, 2022

I'd personally note that it's not straightforward to let down one's guard. I think it's an important step to *try*, in the sense of like, acknowledging at least in principle that the person is saying something you'd want to understand even if you can't metabolize the delivery.

Continuing the "metabolize" metaphor—@LordChisholm talks about this sometimes as "enzymes". You need certain enzymes to digest what somebody's saying. It's sort of a translation bridge between their frame and yours.

It's very different to have a stance of "I'm not really able to let in what you/they know right now without losing touch with something else I know" than "this person is definitely wrong & untrustworthy"

Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️ @Malcolm_Ocean · Jan 18, 2021

2. Deep Dialogue: I see something important. You see something important. They seem in conflict. How can we come to see how these can both be cared for together, in a positive-sum way? How can we listen to each other, without losing touch with ourselves?

Brilliant essay on courage and defensiveness and how to relate differently to yourself to make space for learning. docs.google.com/document/d/1lc…

For more on how I think about this stuff, check out my writing on my Non-Naive Trust Dance framework: malcolmocean.com/2021/09/non-na…