I just found out Jason Mraz's song I Won't Give Up, a favorite of mine for a decade, was almost certainly written about Tristan Prettyman, who he suddenly broke up with while they were engaged. Sounds surprising, but we might ask... why did he need to write that song?
Jason Mraz's 'I Won't Give Up' as a shadow statement
14 tweets · April 2022 · 80 likes · 1 retweets · read on Twitter
One writes a song called I Won't Give Up when one is faced with the seriously possibility of, well, *giving up*. Now, all relationships have their challenging moments, but some have a lot more precariousness than others.
I'm about to talk about other people's relationships, and I want to note that even though these people have wikipedia pages, I feel in some sense I'm relating to them as fellow singer-songwriters, writers about love & relationship, & journeyers of the human spirit. Not celebs.
Turns out Tristan's album Cedar+Gold is almost entirely about the breakup with Mraz. Glass Jar in particular reflects on their engagement. I think they were both in denial about the fragility of their relationship. The wind doesn't just shift. Something must have felt off.
But this excerpt (from the same song!) aptly calls Mraz out—his whole 2012 album doesn't acknowledge the breakup of mid-2011 whatsoever.
That album (Love Is A Four-Letter Word) is one of my all-time favorites, and has a lot of beautiful stuff on it. it's got I Won't Give Up but no Listen To Yourself If Something Feels Off or If It's Almost A Fit It's Not A Fit or The Courage to Leave
btw, the brain famously doesn't really understand negation trying to avoid something often results in steering straight into it "(i won't) GIVE UP" 😂
Now, even if you had a song called "We're Gonna Make It" or "I'm So Committed To You" (ie not making the "don't hit the tree" error) it would still have that shadow statement quality—why does it feel so important to say?
I have heard but not verified that Mraz didn't intend to release I Won't Give Up, but did so after this video of a live performance of it went viral (this performance would have been after the breakup) youtube.com/watch?v=_KId5R…
Mraz, interviewed when the album came out, said this about it, which... sure. One way to tell the narrative. > regardless of what happens in this relationship, I don’t have to give up on loving this person, or loving myself
Although I guess indeed in the bridge he does say "and in the end, you're still my friend", which does imply... something? About a breakup? Maybe? 🧐 But idk, the message of the song still feels like one of staying together, not of recognizing the need to move on.
Anyway, over the next few years Tristan got married, had a kid, then a divorce, & wrote a fascinating blog post about that: tristanprettyman.com/blog/detail/lo…
She concludes: > maybe somewhere, someone will read this and feel a little less alone, a little less scared, or a bit more brave to speak up for what their heart is telling them. It's easier to talk about what's working than what's not working. I'm working on this myself.
Update: it wasn't public at the time I wrote this thread, but I was in fact grappling with my own marital separation. And in the spirit of sharing-what's-not-working, I went and wrote The Courage To Leave myself! youtube.com/watch?v=SaDvHT…