8 tweets · April 2024 · 3 likes · 0 retweets · read on Twitter
I'm collecting songs to illustrate courtship done well and courtship done confused whatcha got? or post songs and I'll judge 'em 😜 a playlist I'm calling Mating Dances & Missteps. and apparently an increasingly verbose thread about each song. open.spotify.com/playlist/6qTSF…
perhaps all-time most epic example of a courtship misstep is Paradise by the Dashboard Lights where he's desperate to "go all the way tonight" and she demands first he tell her he'll "make her so happy for the rest of her life" result is… predictable 🤦♀️ it really highlights how it's not actually a win to get someone to commit to you unless they WANT to be committed to you. sane courtship is not just about getting clear that you're all in, it's also about not accepting commitment from someone who you don't trust is all-in. if your partner leaves, or loves half-assedly... maybe you didn't do adequate due diligence.
"I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz vid: youtu.be/O1-4u9W-bns another misstep, in my books. I wrote a thread about this song as a bit of a contradiction/confusion—it seems the reason it needed writing was an overwhelming need to give up [on a particular relationship]. bro maybe…
a soft reflective song on falling in love. feels good to me. I sense this relationship is either gonna be lifelong or gracefully and grief-fully say goodbye. not divorce. 🎶 "Maybe this time, it could be love" uncertainty 💖 watch this lovely live perf: youtube.com/watch?v=gnoeE7…
another falling-in-love that involved a conversation going surprisingly long—this time the whole song is about specifically that: One More Hour the way it mutually escalates, despite the opportunity to ease off—overall healthy! very early stages ofc. youtube.com/watch?v=OmUKCJ…
okay, Heart To Break by Kim Petras is interesting. the verses show classic self-conflict — not a good sign One look at you, I'm powerless I feel my body saying yes Where's my self control? Ah but the chorus... 🎶 Even if it means that I'll never put myself back together Gonna give you my heart to break ...is glorious surrender to the possibility of unfathomable heartbreak, which is something that some relationships lack, either because people are desperate to make them work and denying the possibility of heartbreak, or because the relationship is mediocre and it could end without being devastating (if this is you, might as well leave now unless it's already just a temporary thing until your internship ends and you go home). I listened to this on repeat in the first weeks I was courting my now-wife, and it helped me really open up and reminded me that if I was all-in and she wasn't then that would be crushing, which made the whole thing and its gravity more real. (esoteric note: as long as death is still a thing, all intimate relationships are heading for profound loss sooner or later)
This next song—never officially released—I rocked out to as a banger many times before I realized that its lyrics express a really clear expression of clarity about leaving a dysfunctional relationship. The lyrics weren't transcribed anywhere I could find, so I wrote them out as best I could: 🎶 Simplified part of you Complicated side of you Been down this road before Holding on to what was lost I don't see a reason why We should leave all we have behind Your tests seem so fake Your intentions are so opaque What's it gonna be? What we gonna do? Don't wanna lose my mind I'd rather lose you When will we admit defeat? That this just isn't real [?] we've been on to autumn leaves That turn to dust as we speak Fueled by the happy past [?] and swear it off so fast [?] this heartspell is a ghost Cuz who we are just did not last What's it gonna be? What we gonna do? Don't wanna lose my mind I'd rather lose you I don't wanna lose you I'm gonna lose you I'd rather lose you The final lines express both conflict and resolution. I don't want to lose you, but—given that I'll go crazy if I stay, I would rather lose you. Brilliant. He hasn't quite let go, but he's obviously about to.
It's not on spotify (yet?!) but this song I wrote about my 2022 breakup is an embodiment of a particular arc of mating dance sanity: recognizing when "trying to make it work" isn't working, and doing something else. I wrote it hoping, in part, that it would help other people notice they're in a dead-end situation and do something about it rather than sticking around forever 🎶 with the sense that something better is waiting ever just around the bend so it never seems like the moment to end ...well maybe there's not gonna be a right moment