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When unblending goes too far and internal parts get reified

9 tweets · November 2020 · 14 likes · 0 retweets · read on Twitter

Very possible to take unblending too far & reify the parts. "Part", as @AskYatharth gets to lower down, is only useful as shorthand for acknowledging internal conflict: "Part of me wants X" is true of any want, but unless other parts *disagree*, we usually just say "I want X".

yatharth ༺༒༻ @AskYatharth ·

⚠️ Common Trap with IFS, parts work, etc. It’s sooo easy to get into the mode of “I’m going to let my inner kids play.” “My inner child wants this!” Noo! Go let *yourself* play! You want this! Fuck what the child wants. What do you want? You are the child.

To take a trivial example, say that you have the following wants: A) go get a snack B) finish writing a tweet thread While conflicted: "part of me wants A, part of me wants B" But, if parts assent, can rearrange to "I want to A then B" or "I want to B then A".

Or maybe: "I want to both go get a snack and finish writing a tweet thread, but I think on net what I want to do is finish writing the thread and save room in my belly for dinner which is coming up" And lol if a part objects you will discover yourself doing something else 🤷‍♀️🙃

That bit is important! Very easy when approaching non-self-coercion to feel like you must force yourself not to force yourself to do things. My take: try saying "I choose X" [despite inner conflict] but if that doesn't work, then don't double down.

Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️ @Malcolm_Ocean ·

you don't have to force yourself to do things you don't have to force yourself not to force yourself to do things you don't have to force yourself not to force yourself not to force yourself to do things but it's okay if you do

And, where possible, give yourself space to let the problem solve you, in the background, while lots of other things shake out.

Michael Ashcroft @m_ashcroft ·

Funny how goals get done without needing to hyper focus on the goals themselves. I forgot I set these goals during the Goal Setting Intensive with @Malcolm_Ocean Clear intentions, lightly held.

Lol I'm just rambling at this point. Where did this thread start? Oh yeah, parts. Anyway, the experience of "parts" is because various systems are stuck in a traffic jam and not able to allow each other to give into their various temptations.

Guy @nosilverv ·

Here's the mistake: doing what you want is not an ACTIVE doing, it's a passive allowing. "Giving in to temptation." You don't DO sleep, you allow yourself to fall asleep.

Consider the phrase "I allow myself to X". The shift that @AskYatharth is pointing at is from identifying with the "I" to the "myself". The feeling is an experience of "I'm free to do what I want!"

yatharth ༺༒༻ @AskYatharth ·

Who do you think you are, you big dreary adult, “allowing” the kids to play? Go fucking play with them. NOW!!!!!! Don’t come back till you’re muddy and have some scratches. Now shoo.

Recommended further reading… this chapter of The Guru Papers, which talks extensively about how people reify parts of themselves as good and parts as bad, and how the two rely on each other to justify their own existence & frame. docs.google.com/document/d/1HK…

here's a new thread that relates to the above thread from a year ago

Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️ @Malcolm_Ocean ·

Note the difference between: • "wanting to not cry" • "not wanting to cry" You can want to cry AND want to not cry. That's actually very common (about crying but more generally too). twitter.com/Malcolm_Ocean/…