"That's not fair" as a bid to be received

I remember hating when my dad would say "life's not fair" in response to me saying "that's not fair!" about *some decision he in particular was making* what I was trying to say, but couldn't articulate, was "you're not listening! I haven't been received"

Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️ @Malcolm_Ocean · Nov 1, 2020

hot take re complaining: it is how people affirm their values and the reality & legitimacy of their own experience

Jul 15, 2023

what I was saying was "we aren't in sync!"

Guy @nosilverv · Jun 21, 2022

If you’re synced then “what you want” is what you both want. Different wants, that need explicit negotiation, are not the cause of the problem but a symptom of the problem: lack of sync

I haven't been a parent. I'm sure once I am I will experience lots of situations in which I feel like there's not time to get in sync (sometimes accurately, sometimes inaccurately) but there's basically always time to at least receive someone's pain at not being incorporated

time for it doesn't mean it's easy to do though! it requires a kind of surrender, and it can be very tricky to do so without taking on blame for the whole situation or for their pain, which is to say admitting something you know to be false

Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️ @Malcolm_Ocean · Jul 15, 2023

the blame game happens because everybody can see for themselves the fact that things are NOT simply their fault, but fail to realize that this is true for other people too