12 tweets · July 2023 · 109 likes · 4 retweets · read on Twitter
there's a very prevalent conflation, that drives people into two different kinds of crazy worldview depending on whether they take the modus ponens or the modus tollens horn: "this is unnatural/unhealthy for you" ⬇️ means ⬇️ "you should feel ashamed about it"
classic flavor of stupid resulting worldview tries to shame problems out of existence, without fully realizing that this just tangles them up the problems may pretend to not exist, but hide elsewhere (including from you, which sucks if it's your kid cutting contact)
in reaction to that, this conflation causes people who (correctly) identify that feeling shame is fucking them up, to aggressively insist that the thing is natural or healthy or whatever. a flip to pride your sense of self can just be a mess, that's ok <3
to be clear while there are correlations between left/right politics and these two, it's not a perfect match
obviously conservatism + [this conflation] will result in shaming anything that seems different, as a way to try to maintain the social order
but many leftists likewise direct shame towards anything they oppose, and this also drives dissent into hiding (but doesn't make it actually stop functioning) & they seem oblivious to the obvious: this makes their movements incapable of steering
shaming someone (including oneself) is a form of punishment and what do we know about punishment? it can't aim! malcolmocean.com/2022/02/toward…
moreover, shame as a social performance is largely a way to signal that you have accepted someone telling you that you're bad, to get them off your back; it has nothing to do with (well, is antithetical to) deep learning & growth
meanwhile, if something is actually bad for someone, then help them see that, and they'll change naturally*, no shame required but the focus on "bad" is kinda already in the dualistic frame that will tend to encourage shame (*well, also this 👇)
instead, get curious about why things are as they are (why the person is how they are, and is doing what they're doing) and about how whatever factors you're seeing might also be present in a way that would matter to someone. co-investigate! and
and, as always, if you can't get curious enough to listen to them and their experience, get curious about yourself and listen to yourself first!
in conclusion: returning to the original conflation: "this is unnatural/unhealthy for you" ⬇️ means ⬇️ "you should feel ashamed about it" this is FALSE. the shame is the 2nd arrow. extra. but that doesn't mean you should feel pride!