lots of people think that if you can see through someone's mask, that gives you a license to be a jerk about it fun fact: anyone being a jerk about such things isn't seeing clearly. they're seeing *something*, but not the whole picture
9 tweets · May 2023 · 201 likes · 4 retweets · read on Twitter
lots of people think that if you can see through someone's mask, that gives you a license to be a jerk about it fun fact: anyone being a jerk about such things isn't seeing clearly. they're seeing *something*, but not the whole picture
recognizing this pattern feels like it's empowering me, in a very simple way, to refuse to engage with someone who wants to poke at me with insufficient considerateness "I'm sure you have something important to say, but calling me 'fake' isn't gonna get it across."
someone pointing out something you're studiously avoiding creates a weird pressure—a mix of curiosity and defensiveness a sign (to me) to go slowly and care-fully among growthy communities, it's common for there to be pressure to dive headlong in
non-exhaustive list of reasons people hurt themselves on feedback they don't understand: - they're desperate for any feedback at all (perhaps from a fear of hurting others) - they're desperate for (your) attention - they think it's noble to let people cut them with verbal blades
it's common to talk about "cutting through spiritual materialism". circlers talk about "drawing blood". violent metaphors riffing, perhaps, on Lakoff... I prefer to see it as a dance malcolmocean.com/2021/09/non-na…
to be clear, by "being a jerk" here I don't quite mean "being cruel", in the sadistic sense I mean "communicating in ways that jerk people around" even me using the term "jerk" is probably an instance of the phenomenon I'm decrying here
but perhaps I *am* talking about indulging in the power that you have in a situation where you can see something someone else can't but it's a kind of crude power, and one that's easy to cause messes with in the name of "helping" someone
just because you can predict someone's pattern doesn't mean you actually understand it in its own terms
you may feel the need to name some bs that's going on, for your sanity or for onlookers' but don't fool yourself into thinking that just because you've named something, you're actually attempting (let alone succeeding) at communicating it