13 tweets · September 2023 · 413 likes · 13 retweets · read on Twitter
one of the sad things about the world is that attempts to point the way out of victim mindset often appear to people stuck in victim mindset to be victim-blaming this legit sucks. I'm not sure what to do about it, but I'm working on it. seems it involves patience & scaffolds?
maybe there isn't a way to do it. maybe you just have to love people into literally not being victims anymore.
ohhhhh wait but maybe some people already have enough love somewhere else internally that they can bootstrap if someone shows them how to plug it in*, but others don't? fuck, hmm *decompartmentalizing, self-soothing, self-reparenting
but even if so, I feel like there's something... can I know from the outside whether this person is one of the people who has enough inner resources? & insofar as all this is weirdly fractal, which part of them am I talking to right now? does that part have enough self-love?
& are they asking for my advice or my love? are they asking for help plugging it in or my love? are they asking for pointing out instructions or my love? even if I don't offer unconditional love, I can at least give the dignity of not pretending I'm giving them what they ask for
mostly my strategy here lately has also been to have a stance of love that is unconditional in that I'll maintain it no matter what but I'm not guaranteeing a given closeness or relationship; on the contrary, this unconditionality means that I can't
and I'm not saying that my doing this is necessarily going to be adequate, or appreciated, or anything at all really what it is, is sustainable. it's what I can do, ongoingly, without resent or burnout.
ahh, got some clarity here about what I even mean by "victim mindset"
good reflections in the replies (this tweet in particular, and also what's above & below it)
ahhh, thinking about how learning about how "karpman's drama triangle" (which is about victim mindset) has been profoundly liberating for people to notice-they're-in-and-then-gtfo but actually intentionally using it as a frame in a situation causes it
thus, as with non-coercive marketing there's value to sharing some version of the memes that allow people to do the GTFO version but you want to share them not in a "YOU NEED THIS" way, but more in a "here's a thing that might help some people—I hope they find it"
but memes around victimhood are perhaps particularly weaponizable. which is now feeling like my Non-Naive Trust Dance insight but from a different angle. insights are fucking weird man.
I'm broadly concluding (acutely from what @jessicamalonso wrote but also @HephaistosF's ongoing poking) that "victim mindset" is a confused way to think about this